Mitchell and Webb Sound: Identity Theft

"Sit down Mr. Coleman, I am afraid I have got bad news about your account.
I am very sorry to say that someone’s stolen your identity.
Oh God! Do you know who it was?
Well they said they were you, but
So, what happened?
Well it was on the bank website, someone logged in and committed identity theft electronically.
I see. Did they take anything else?
Oh good, so all the money is still there.
Its just my identity that’s gone. None of your money?
Well no they did, they emptied your account. Its identity theft.
They took all the money. That sounds more like a bank robbery.
No No if only. Cause we could take the hit. No no, it was actually your identity that was stolen primarily. It’s a massive pisser for you.


Identity Theft

But, its actually money that’s been taken.
From you
Kind ofr
I don’t know what you want from me, other than my commiserations.
No, you see, it was your identity, they didn’t just …they said they were you.
And you believed them?
Yes they stole your identity.
Well, I don’t know cause I think I have my identity, whereas you seemed to have lost several thousands of pounds. In the light of that I am not clear why you think its my identity that was stolen, rather than your money.
I know look a bit like that Mr. Coleman, but the sad part is that absolutely nothing has been taken from this multi billion pound, whereas what they have taken from you – a small business with a wife and children – is your whole self.

Hold up! Put the money in the bag.
You mean their identities.
Just give us the money.
Damn you, masquerading as dozens if not hundreds of customers. How dare you steal their identities?
Rights, lets move it.
Oh the humanity!"



photo photo photo Nice horse